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SOURCE: American bacon cured with AR-15 assault rifle ? The Register

American bacon cured with AR-15 assault rifle SPB chief takes up arms against Stateside culinary outrage
17 Dec 2014 at 14:03, Lester Haines



It's been quite a week for the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team, as myself and Edge Research Laboratory's David Patterson travelled to Spaceport America in New Mexico, and took delivery of the Vulture 2 spaceplane in Denver, picking up a couple of rocket motor reloads along the way.


We covered plenty of road during our travels, which gave opportunity for discussion of a range of topics of import, none of which proved quite as provocative as the serious matter of American bacon.


I'd managed to avoid the stuff for three days until we eventually rolled up at Dick's Cafe in Las Cruces, where David provocatively ordered a side of the culinary outrage to accompany his chilli omelette:



dicks_cafe.jpg

david_breakfast.jpg

Here's a closer look, and yes the proper reaction of any bacon gourmet is to run screaming from the premises:

us_bacon.jpg
I don't know what they do to the stuff, and I don't want to know. What I do want to do, though, is try to make it stop.


lester_american_bacon.jpg

And, inadvertently, Mr Patterson may have provided the means to do it. David doesn't drink booze, doesn't smoke, and even lays off the coffee. He does, however, indulge in the vice of target shooting, and invited me to his local gun range to try out his personal arsenal.


So, having never fired a weapon in my life, I was suddenly faced with the prospect of handling a .22 cal Bersa Thunder, a 9mm Springfield XD-S, a .45 ACP Rock Island 1911 and a .45 Colt/.410 shot Taurus Judge.

Suffice it to say, once I'd managed not to kill anyone with the .22 and 9mm, one of the locals - noting I was a foreign newbie - kindly offered a go on his custom AR-15 assault rifle:


This entertaining experience led me to wonder later in Dick's Cafe which weapon, if trained on a target sheet coated in American bacon, would best demonstrate European disapproval of the Devil's processed pork.


The AR-15 would of course be excellent for long-range protest, although I'm opting for a .410 "personal defense" cartridge, which is the closest you can legally get to a sawn-off shotgun.


Whatever the final choice, slow-motion video of the carnage should leave our US cousins in no doubt as to exactly what we think of American bacon. Bring it on...

Bootnote Speaking of food, I nipped into Texas last Saturday, like you do, and took the chance to try Latin fave menudo - soup with tripe in it which allegedly has miracle hangover-busting properties:



texas_menudo.jpg
I can't attest to that, having not quaffed enough ale the night before to set the stage, so maybe we'll revisit for our post-pub nosh neckfiller series?
 

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Love menudo


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He don't like our bacon, that's fine, I don't like the room temp beer they serve in England. :p
 
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LUNCH!!

Oh crap - only 10:10. :mad:
 
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I have to admit that I've been in this country for 30 years and still don't like American bacon. I love bacon but just not American bacon. They sell something similar in the UK but it's called "Streaky Bacon" and is about the cheapest and worst bacon you can buy. Then again, the "Great English Sausage" or "banger" isn't anything to boast about either.

For the record, I like menudo and also for the record, British beer isn't room temperature. That implies that it is served at a temperature of 60 or 70 degrees. It usually comes out of a cellar that is below ground, under the pub. The temperature down there is in the 40's so it's not as cold as Americans drink their beer but rather it is cool and certainly not room temperature. Most modern pubs that don't have hand drawn pumps and a cellar pass the beer through a chiller before it gets to pump. Again, it's cool but not cold.
 

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Heck, I'm an American and am not all the fond of belly bacon. Belly bacon's really only good for burgers and BLTs in the absence of good shoulder bacon. Shoulder (AKA cottage bacon)...now that'll I'll fight you for, deeper flavor, better texture, and doesn't shrink away to nothing after it's cooked.
 
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it's not as cold as Americans drink their beer but rather it is cool and certainly not room temperature. Most modern pubs that don't have hand drawn pumps and a cellar pass the beer through a chiller before it gets to pump. Again, it's cool but not cold.
The darker the beer, the warmer the proper temperature. Stouts should be served warmest, lagers coldest. IMHO.
 

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The darker the beer, the warmer the proper temperature. Stouts should be served warmest, lagers coldest. IMHO.
Just hand me a scotch on the rocks. Im easy


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