Taurus Firearm Forum banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,776 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, some years ago, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die Kuehe haben da rein geschissen."

This means: “Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have pooped in it."

The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."

The rancher replied: "Use both hands."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,022 Posts
I think I might get banned if I participate in this thread, so Ill just be observing.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
40,413 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,776 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I see you caught that. I expect this to take a nose dive without any warning.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Fishinkeylargo

·
Registered
Joined
·
27,139 Posts
I don't understand your pessimism. It didn't cause any problems the other 47 times.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Magnum_Gauge

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,223 Posts
I don't understand your pessimism. It didn't cause any problems the other 47 times.
Hope springs eternal. What's the worst that can happen?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,732 Posts
Keep them socially acceptable for all including ladies and younger members/readers and there is no reason for problems, if you wouldn't tell them to your wife, mother, or grandmother you might want to reconsider posting them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,776 Posts
Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
An elderly man, 82, just returned from the Doctors only to find he didn’t have long to live. So he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate.

1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer

“Well, today I found out I don’t have long to live. So I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave.”

After the man passed on, the 3 people happened to run into each other. The Doctor said, “I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me on lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested.”

The Priest said, “I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. I did, however, throw the other $25,000 in the grave.”

Well, the Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing! “I am surprised at you two taking advantage of him like that.”

“I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in!”
 
  • Like
Reactions: nechaev

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,283 Posts
I think you mean the lawyer threw the check in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,776 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Not all lawyers know how to talk right.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,168 Posts
I would have gave obamas man a big gulp cup to help him out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
195 Posts
My uncle Orus lived to almost 100 and always had a sharp mind. As early as I can remember, he was already retired. He was a dentist back before they has anesthetics. He learned to use humor and, when the patient opened their mouth to laugh, he would dive in! He had a great sense of humor and used some of his own material, such as this cute one:

An elderly gentleman of 72 years of age decided he wanted some more life insurance. The insurance agent was concerned because of his age and he wanted some family history, so he asked: "How old was your father when he passed away?"

The elderly gentleman responded, "I didn't say he was dead. He's 90 and doing well."

"That's good! How old was your grandfather when he died?"

" I didn't say he was dead either. He's 108 and he's getting married next Sunday."

"108! That's amazing! But why would he want to get married at his age?"

"Well, I didn't say that he wanted to." ;)
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top