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MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET

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WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: Women

SYMBOL: Wo

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg

OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered in painted film.

2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.

6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.

5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
 

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D'oh! Shinsou...why did you have to go and post that placard!

MissKitty is going to let you and aero1 have it with both barrels!
 
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I wonder what a man's MSDS would be like... Or maybe I don't wanna know...
Well, you gonna find out.
Stole this from another board.

MSDS-MEN

Hazardous Materials Information Sheet : MEN

Element: Men
Symbol: BS
Discoverer: Should be shot
Atomic Mass: 70 kg (without Ego), 1000 kg (Ego included)
Occurrences: Found just about anywhere women are.


Physical Properties:
• Surface covered in hairy coat
• Displays signs of spineless puppy dog when properly whipped by a experienced woman.
• Hardens very easily, but softens at nothing.
• Sweet only when necessary, otherwise generally very bitter.
• Found in only one state : Horny
• Yields to just about anything with open legs.

Chemical Properties:
• Has a great affinity for bimbos and remote controls.
• High Grade specimens spend great quantities of expensive substances.
• Inability to think with more than one organ at a time.
• Attracted to just about anything, but sticks to nothing.
• Most powerful self-esteem reducing agent known to woman.

Common Uses:
• Has not yet been discovered.
• Some usefulness has been found when dealing with household appliances, but usefulness is extremely limited.
• Occasionally useful in bedroom, but only when given explicit instructions.

Tests:
• Becomes extremely competitive when grouped with several other specimens.
• Pure specimen becomes an a**h*** when saturated with alcohol.

Hazards:
• It is extremely difficult to keep one of these. A trained expert can resort to various tricks if necessary.
• It is illegal to posses more than one, but why would anyone want even the one they have?
 

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I thought Wo was for Wolfram. Maybe we could use Mu for the Latin for woman, mulier, which is an uncanny and useful mnemonic for the English word mule.



Yes, I know that Wolfram, or Tungsten, uses the symbol W - it's comedic license.
 
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After 15 years of being a safety man I have had to deal with thousands of those darn things and to top it off I had to teach the class. I wish I had the one about both women and men to put in the Power Point presentation. LOL
 
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You're a comedian??? A comic, yes. Comedian, no....
Horace Walpole said:
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
For some reason I'm told I need 5 more characters...
Mickey Mouse
Dexter
Ebenezer Scrooge
Elvis Cole
Patrick
 
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I wonder what a man's MSDS would be like... Or maybe I don't wanna know...
Becomes excited when in contact with anything containing gunpowder. Bonds well with stainless steel. Ability to do chores severely reduced when football and beer are present. WARNING! Caustic Substance! Exposure to water may cause chemical burns!
 

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HAHAHA There is no way I'm letting my wife read this.
 
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