Taurus Firearm Forum banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,439 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
LIFE'S DEMERIT SYSTEM


In the world of romance, one single rule applies: MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!

Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system-----



SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed. (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+ 8 )

But return with Jack Daniels. (-5)



PROTECTIVE DUTIES

You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)

You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)

It's her pet Schnauzer. (-20)



SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2)

Named Tina (-10)

Tina is a dancer. (-10)

Tina has breast implants. (-40)



HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner. (+2)

You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)

Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)

And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)



A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie. (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)

You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)

You take her to a movie you like. (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)



THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)

You hesitate in responding. (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

You give any other response. (-20)

(Yes, you lose points no matter what)



COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)


 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,411 Posts
Can't be real -- doesn't have the randomly-placed, "Unexpected Action of Doom" which, if done, resets all positive credit to zero, or triples any negative score.

Edited to add: No specifics are given for the 'Unexpected Action of Doom', and you don't need to ask because, well -- YOU KNOW what you did.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,167 Posts
A happy wife makes for a happy life..;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: william

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,776 Posts
Keep a wife happy by not letting her know what you have been up to.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,794 Posts
I went through an exhaustive methodical training of my wife. She doesn't like chocolates (she hates sweets) she doesn't like chick flicks, and she does like firearms. She also has no aversion to helping me do manly things, like removing and tearing down an engine of a car. Now while this sounds like I've found the greatest woman in the world, you will have to notice a couple of crucial points. Does she life flowers? Yes; she is a woman. Flowers are generally cheap so that's fine too. Herein lies the problem. For gifts, all the cheap things are either no-go's or have been done to death. This means gifts to her MUST be incredibly expensive. She likes firearms, she like jewelry. Since I cut gemstones as a hobby, I've been able to offset some of the costs. I guess my next hobby better be firearm smithing and manufacturing. Well, as least she can cook....
 
  • Like
Reactions: TexasDeputy

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,979 Posts
P40...I want to feel sorry for you but.... ;)

Be thankful you have it figured out. Early in my marriage I was completely lost. No rule book and the rules seemed to change frequently. When you don't even need to quess anymore you have it made. The rest is just budgeting.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Peacemakr40

·
Supporting SuperModerator
Joined
·
14,938 Posts
Did you date my wife before we married?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,922 Posts
Can't be real -- doesn't have the randomly-placed, "Unexpected Action of Doom" which, if done, resets all positive credit to zero, or triples any negative score.

Edited to add: No specifics are given for the 'Unexpected Action of Doom', and you don't need to ask because, well -- YOU KNOW what you did.


And if you don't know what you did...they see no reason to tell you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,455 Posts
Women are so much easier now that I've accepted the fact that I'm wrong.

It doesn't matter what we are talking about or what I've done, I'm wrong.

Then again, I can get in trouble with a woman by agreeing with her, too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,411 Posts
Women are so much easier now that I've accepted the fact that I'm wrong.

It doesn't matter what we are talking about or what I've done, I'm wrong.

Then again, I can get in trouble with a woman by agreeing with her, too.
Your comment reminds me of that ancient philosophical question:


If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,088 Posts
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,455 Posts
If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
When a woman finds out what he said?

Of course!


Until she finds out, he can think he's right.;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: TexasDeputy

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,960 Posts

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)


I don't care what size shovel you use, you're not going to dig yourself out of that one.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,247 Posts
My experience when you're wrong (that's always), say 'I was wrong and I'm sorry.' It won't get you any points, but she'll know you understand your position.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
24,600 Posts
If a married man is in the forest all by himself and a tree falls, is he still wrong.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
39,691 Posts
Even though this is funny, it's absolutely spot on. I think most of us can relate to most, if not all of these! :thumb:
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top