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$5.37!
That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco

Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some

lint and two dimes and something
that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a five-spot,

I started to head back out to the truck

to grab some change when the kid with the

Elmo hairdo said the hardest

thing anyone has ever said to me.


He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the

senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was

talking to and then heard the sound of change
hitting the counter in front of me.
"Only $4.68" he said

cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60

yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck

wondering what was wrong
with Elmo. Was he blind?


As I sat in the truck, my blood began to

boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I

thought.
I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode

to the counter, and
there he was waiting with a

smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something

and jingled it in front of
me, like I could be that

easily distracted! What am I now? A

toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys,

eh?"
I stared with utter disdain at the keys.
I began to

rationalize in my mind!

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes

a man elderly!
It could happen to anyone!"

I turned

and headed back to the truck.
I slipped the key into the

ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now?
I

checked my keys and tried another. Still

nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging

from my rear view mirror.

I had no purple beads hanging

from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came

into focus:
The car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys

spread all over the floorboard.
A partially eaten doughnut on

the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I

flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was

speeding out of the parking lot,
relieved to finally be

leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt

it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!

My
stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my

burrito, only it
was nowhere to be found.

I

swung the truck around, gathered my courage,
and strode back

into the restaurant one final time.
There Elmo stood, draped

in youth and black nail polish.
All I could think was, "What

is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I

leave my food and drink in here"?
At this point I was ready

to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,
and

then go straight home and apply for Social Security

benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked

back out to the truck,
and suddenly a young lad came up and

tugged on my jeans to get my
attention.
He was holding up

a drink and a bag.
His mother explained, "I think you

left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and

drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She

offered these kind words:
"It's OK. My grandfather does stuff

like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I

got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.
Yessss, I was racing

some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.
And no, I told the officer,

I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in

the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall.

I
handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding

ticket.
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my

legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully

found my way home.

Pass this on to the other "old fogies"

on your list (so they can have fun
laughing,

too).

P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with

chocolate!!!!!
 

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Damn it, I hate it when that happens....

Old Fart.gif
 

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Hey, I can relate to that! At 54, I asked where a certain young lady was at a convenience store, the lady clerk said it was her day off As I was about to walk out the door, the clerks phone rang and I heard the clerk say " Some elderly man was just asking about you!"

True story. It took a month to get my ego back, by the way...what comes after elderly? I still don't have a cane!
 
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Jimbo, that's precious.

Only yesterday I tried to unlocked the driver's door on the wrong car. And evey time I leave the house I have to go back in pick up something I forgot again.

I'm only 86. I don't know what's going to happen when I get old.
 

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Now that's funny, no matter who you are!
Personally, I am amused by senior discounts that kick in when you're in your fifties. (and I take 'em happily)
 

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Jimbo, that's precious.

Only yesterday I tried to unlocked the driver's door on the wrong car. And evey time I leave the house I have to go back in pick up something I forgot again.

I'm only 86. I don't know what's going to happen when I get old.
Bre, judging by your posts...you will NEVER get old, just more experienced!
 

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What seems like many years ago, who knows? they say the memory is the first thing to go...I went, for the first time to one of these unisex "hair salons" a franchise..great clips or something????
Always went to one of the places with the stripey pole outside...you know the ones that rotate???
Well explained to the young lady what I wanted..no longer than 3/4" on the top, 1/2" on the side, cut straight on the back and 1" off the collar tapered up to the ears.
This was translated to: #3 top, #2 side, boston back, ear taper. She added in ET an NH. (Eyebrows trimmed and nosehairs cut, for those that do not know) I was done in 5 mins, very little conversation, she did not appear to be up on baseball... went to the cash register...$5!!!!! Works for me!!!!!!!!!!! Seniors discount, she did get a $5 tip though!
 

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Jimbo I hope that story is not really true. Well about the $300 speeding ticket, anyway.
 

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Jimbo I hope that story is not really true. Well about the $300 speeding ticket, anyway.
Don't worry, there's no way he could go faster than a Prius. :D
 
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