[stoopkid]

While growing up, my dad had several handguns though us kids rarely (if ever) saw them. After he died, we, as a family, decided to sell them. We were all adults by then and either had our own guns (those of us who chose to own) or didn't. I always wanted a handgun but deferred to my wife's reasoning at the time (ca. 1990-96) as we had four small children in the house and to be honest, gun ownership wasn't high on my list of must-have or must-do back then. Now that my kids are older, I bought my own. In looking back at things, I completely understand the logic and practicality of gun ownership. I grew up with hunting friends and was exposed to guns a lot. A child/adolescent trained in gun safety and the responsibility of ownership is an obvious asset to our society as they grow to be responsible adult gun owners. This is something I've always felt.

Now, after informing my wife of my purchase, she still gives me glares and informs me I'm not out of the doghouse for it; flowers and candy are not working their magic! My kids are supportive (the 'cool factor' that I've got to dispel sooner than later) but my wife isn't warm to the idea. Life in our house is transparent to my gun ownership which is a good thing. I've used the argument that my owning a gun gives me a 'fighting chance' in a worst case scenario (it was purchased for home defense) and the gun is certainly not left out for prying eyes or curious fingers.

I suppose I'm looking for a slam-dunk reason to provide my wife so she can accept my ownership and get her to come around. My brother (a corrections officer and well-versed in guns) gave me the 'fighting chance' talking point mentioned above. I'd like to make this uneasiness go away but I'm pretty set in my ways though I want to diplomatic about things.

Okay, I've rambled enough. Please, can the collective consciousness here provide me some pointers on handguns and marital bliss? It's not like I bought it to protect the kids and the house and NOT her....

 

[Lance0812]

Maybe insist she start watching "The Walking Dead"?

OK, sorry.
I'd think the first step would be to learn why she has an aversion to guns and work from there.

 

[91 whiskey]

Work on getting her to go to the range with you. Teach her how to be safe with it and how to use it. Maybe that will help get rid of some of the misconceptions she has.

 

[SixGunSam]

Priority #1...get your wife interested in shooting. Made things much easier for me. She even wanted her own gun. I was in a position to let her pick and choose the "right one" for her and it paid off. It has become a regular activity for us.

 

[MilProGuy]

Wish I could help you in the "marital bliss" department...but, alas, I'm not the one to assist you. It seems like the longer I'm married, the tougher it is to please her.

 

[glenwolde]

And of course you'll need to get a .22 pistol to ease her into it.....

 

[91 whiskey]

And of course you'll need to get a .22 pistol to ease her into it.....

That's probably the best advice so far.

 

[MOONDAWG]

First, if you're not an NRA member I encourage you to join.

Next find a friend with a lot of back issues of the NRA's magazine "American Rifleman" that he'll let you have.

Go to the "Armed Citizen" column, and begin cutting out all the newspaper articles about women (many 60-80 yrs old) that have sucessfully defended themselves against rape and murder in their own homes.

Tie em up and a red ribbon with a dozen roses and tell your wife you love her and want her to read the articles.

God didn't make us equal in size or physical strength, but a gun is a equalizer that will better than level the playing field in our favor.

 

[Reverend_Blood]

Work on getting her to go to the range with you. Teach her how to be safe with it and how to use it. Maybe that will help get rid of some of the misconceptions she has.

This right here. After my first major firearm purchase, my wife and I fought constantly about it. Finally one day I convinced her to go to the range with me (The exact argument that I used was that if she didn't enjoy it, I would only buy enough ammo to keep it loaded for home defense and never spend another dime on guns and ammo. I DO NOT recommend using this excuse, it could backfire.) But once she got out to the range I taught her the basics of the weapon, and safety, then purposefully shot a few rounds low and left, pulled my target in, put a fresh one out for her, and when she landed all of her shots closer to center than I did, she bragged about it all day. She still tells people that she's a better shot than me. But she enjoyed it once she did it, and it may well work for you, if you can be convincing.

 

[Wolf1477]

When it comes to buying for self defense/home defense I've always found the seatbelt/fire extinguisher/insurance arguments handy. i.e. I'd rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.

I think the starting her out with a caliber she can enjoy so she can learn about the shooting sports and have fun is also excellent advise. The people you see on youtube handing a DEagle .50 off to their waif of a girlfriend so they can film her busting her nose on the recoil are, for lack of a better term , jerks (trying to remain ToS here<g>) that do nobody any favors. Shooting should be fun and relaxing, and can be a lifesaver when required.

 

[BigSkiff]

I feel your pain. My wife is like yours. She doesn't get it. I've been talking to her for years, even got her to take the basic gun safety coarse. But, in the end it's still all for nothing. The argument that has worked best for me is the one that goes like this.

"Is there anyone that knows me better than you? When you married me did you think I was irresponsible or unstable? Do you think I'm irresponsible or unstable now? Do you think I would intentionally do anything that would bring harm to you or our children? You trust me with everything we own and everything that is precious to us, right? So, why would you think this is any different? I am a responsible and careful adult that uses good and responsible judgement in the things I do. Owning a gun will not be any different. Did you know that nearly 100 million Americans own guns? That's nearly one out of every three people. It is not gun ownership that makes people do bad things. I own my guns legally, and with all the proper documentation. I have taken safety courses, and self defense courses in the proper way to handle them and use them. Extend a little of that trust you have in me to include my owning and shooting my guns. I have been doing this for nearly 50 years. I am a sportsman, not a psychopath. Bad people do bad things and whether or not they own a gun has no bearing on their mental makeup. I am not a bad person, and you of all people should know that. I'm not asking you to own or participate in my use of firearms. I'm only asking that you respect my right to own them and use them, in the same way that I respect your right to be what you are and be who you are. You have my word that I will never do anything to jeopardize you or our children, and that I will always act responsibly with my guns just as I have always done in every aspect of our relationship. And, as in regard to self defense, in the times we live in it is important for me to be able to at least try and protect you and our children, should the need ever arise. Have a little faith in me dear."

It may not work for you, but so far it's been working for me. It also never hurts to take every opportunity you can find to remind her of what a screwed up world this is and why owing a gun makes sense.

 

[glenwolde]

I guess I'm lucky, or I was smart I'm not sure which. One of the first gifts I bought my wife (even before she was my wife) was a .22 revolver so she'd have something to shoot on those occasions she went with me. Yes, before I even bought her a piece of jewelry she got a S&W 63 (new in 1981).

It was a different world than she was from, and she sort of found it entertaining and fun at the time. She's not really into it but has no problem with it. On those rare occasions she goes to the range, the Model 63 goes with her.

 

[TexasAviator]

If it was me, I would forget about the if someone breaks in angle if its not working. Sounds like buying her off (candy, flowers) isn't working.

The only thing I can suggest to try is the safety angle. Its kind of counter intuitive, having a firearm and teaching the kids to use it is safer etc. Now if my math is right your kids (small in the earl '90's) are in their late teens and early 20's? They if thats the case they have been handling deadly weapons for quite some time, cooking knives, cars, the lawnmower.... When they were growing up did your wife say ok, you're 7 years old now here is an 8 inch chefs knife, or ok, you're 16 here are the keys? Probably not I am guessing. You taught them how to use those things. Firearms are no different than any other tool. If you don't use it properly bad things can happen.

My daughter had her first rifle at 7, I started shooting at 6. My wife on the other hand, her mom is very anti firearm. The first firearm my wife shot was a shotgun with some friends in High School, it wasn't until we got married that she shot a handgun. (I started her off easy on a 45 acp 1911 , after she mastered that I moved her to a 22 bearcat for something different.) Now the question I would ask, is which is the better scenario. Learning form friends or parents. We chose parents.

Good luck!

 

[jonrjen]

You need to tell your wife that you understand her position, and you should have talked about it before you made the purchase. And, if she prefer, you are willing to sell the gun and the subject can be brought up at a later date. That's all she wants....an apology and total surrender along with a little groveling. Sometimes it takes something sweeter than candy and flowers to be able to smell the victory of defeat.

 

[MissKitty]

People are scared of things they don't understand. BigSkiffs and others advice is spot on, she needs to understand that you are responsible and she should trust you. Times are not the same as they once were. The bad guy of today is much more ruthless. The reason gun sales are going up, is because people are starting to realize that it CAN happen to you. Right now your wife is afraid of the gun and under the mind set that nothing bad can or will happen to her or you. This line of thinking is just simply not healthy these days. Show her some of the youtube video's of 911 calls, particularly the one that a thug broke into an elderly couples home even after they warned the guy they had a gun. There are countless stories of guns saving lives. The next one could be her's.

 

[glenwolde]

If it was me, I would forget about the if someone breaks in angle if its not working. Sounds like buying her off (candy, flowers) isn't working.

The only thing I can suggest to try is the safety angle. Its kind of counter intuitive, having a firearm and teaching the kids to use it is safer etc. Now if my math is right your kids (small in the earl '90's) are in their late teens and early 20's? They if thats the case they have been handling deadly weapons for quite some time, cooking knives, cars, the lawnmower.... When they were growing up did your wife say ok, you're 7 years old now here is an 8 inch chefs knife, or ok, you're 16 here are the keys? Probably not I am guessing. You taught them how to use those things. Firearms are no different than any other tool. If you don't use it properly bad things can happen.

My daughter had her first rifle at 7, I started shooting at 6. My wife on the other hand, her mom is very anti firearm. The first firearm my wife shot was a shotgun with some friends in High School, it wasn't until we got married that she shot a handgun. (I started her off easy on a 45 acp 1911 , after she mastered that I moved her to a 22 bearcat for something different.) Now the question I would ask, is which is the better scenario. Learning form friends or parents. We chose parents.

Good luck!

I always kept my guns locked up, but I told my kids anytime they wanted to see them all they had to do was ask. They did every once in a while, it kind of killed the "forbidden fruit" syndrome. My son has a revolver now, and my daughter likes to go shooting if she comes home. She'll put it up on Facebook and if her hippie friends don't like it tough noogies.

Word of caution: do NOT show them to you kid's friends without their parent's permission. I always thought it was courteous to ask first.

My son did have one incident when he was about 12 where he had to clear a weapon in somebody else's home because the only adult around had no clue. He was well schooled in firearm safety and he knew how.

 

[TexasAviator]

My son did have one incident when he was about 12 where he had to clear a weapon in somebody else's home because the only adult around had no clue. He was well schooled in firearm safety and he knew how.

And that right there is why I vote for teach 'em young!

Good job Dad! :thumb:

 

[Willboat]

Wish I could be more helpful. My wife wants nothing to do with guns, but she knows I enjoy owning and shooting them and that's just fine with her. Am I a lucky guy or what?

 

[cassrh]

I feel very lucky. My wife was reared in a LEO family, so guns were just a part of the household. She's a darn good shot - better than me. The other night when we were watching all the racial BS on the tube, she told me that we needed to increase our ammo supply.

 

[bre346]

I gave a pistol to my son-in-law for Christmas. He put it in the motor-home. (He had a .45 and a shotgun in the house.) She said she doesn't like guns in the house and had never fired one.
When she did say maybe she should know something about them I brought out my revolver, showed her how it works and let her dry-fire it. I brought out the motor-home gun and showed her how it works the same way. As soon as we had time we went to the range with the same two guns and I talked her through the sequence of loading, aiming and firing each firearm. I coached her on the firing line and she did well with both the guns. Now she understands the weapons, knows what to expect when the trigger is pulled and has no more issues other than being sure that when I'm cleaning or dry-firing at home there are no bullets in them.

I'm lucky to have such a daughter.