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Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

6:00am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.


Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Cretins!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.


Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
 
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Our cat tries the assassination technique every few minutes. Stops directly in front of the target...... I mean person and does this just as the one leg is up in the air and coming down with no good place to put it cause she's there and we are off balance.

She keeps up with the target step for step, ahead of them, and is under foot with every said human step. You might say she's out a step ahead. Don't tell me you didn't see that one coming. ::) :p ;D :D ;) :) :-\ :'( :D ;D
 

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Thankfully my cat has given in to his captors and now just sits around the house getting fat... 28lbs fat ;D
 

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bump - this is too funny to languish on the last page.
 

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Good one, and it is all about attitude. Cats have an attitude that us dogs can't abide. On the master's bedroom door, there is a sign that says

"DOGS WELCOME ANYTIME"
"CATS SEEN BY APPOINTMENT ONLY"

And still the hairy-headed, butt-licking felines come in, uninvited.

Grrrrrr!


Ozzie
. . . . . . (I'm posting this, using the Boss's login)
 

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All funny, and all strangely true!:D
 

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Only thing missing is the cat sneak attacks I have to deal with. Death from above the fridge, death from below the bed, and death by sneak attack from behind the sofa. They just know that one day there will be death...
 
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