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Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.



This scheme will be known as RAPE ( Retire Aged People Early ).



Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program ( Special Help After Forced Termination ).



Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program ( System Covering Retired-Early Workers ).



A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.



Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS ( Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse ) or HERPES ( Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance ).



Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.



Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT ( Special High Intensity Training ) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.



Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT , please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.



Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives ( E.V.I.L. )



PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
 

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Where's all my free stuff, baaarrrraaacccck promised!? :D
 

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Some people of remarkable intelligence and wit have just a bit too much time on their hands. Regardless, very well done. And since I am past 50, timely; I shall have to watch my backside.
 

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Obama, former "Madame Pelosi", Hairy Reid, and the rest of the Democrats have already thrown the retirees under the presidents fleet of new campaign busses. Read the 2407 page PDF ( this don't include other laws and programs referenced in the bill ) file available on the congressional website.

This particular shafting of retirees is in reference to the bills much touted ban on annual and lifetime benefits limits. My former employer along with many others with retirees covered under union contracts are using provisions of the "Form 5500" to seperate retirees from the active employees therefore allowing them to continue to enforce the maximum annual and lifetime benefits limits for retirees.

I have contacted my local union officials regarding this issue. They indicate that the unions are grieving this and expect it to be forced through arbritation and the courts before it is resolved which will take years the way our screwed up judicial system works. Meanwhile how many retirees will lose their health insurance which was part of their retirement agreement?

The reference to the "Form 5500" appears to come in the last several hundred pages of the legislation. Unfortunately I have not been able to read all of the 2407 PLUS PAGES yet although I have printed it and have it in three 2" 3 ring binders. I guess I will have to start taking it with me when we go to the doctor and hospital to read while waiting, and let the wife drive so that I can read it on the road although it is sort of difficult to digest, highlight sections, and take notes while distracted with these other things! Much of it will take a Harvard Lawyer it interpret anyway!!!!

I have managed to seriously upset a young neighbor gal who dropped out of college with just one quarter to go before getting her degree when I mentioned the "DEATH SQUADS" Obama seems determined to create. She has since gotten qualified for disability due to a Bi-Polar condition (?) although many others with this same condition are able to maintain a more or less normal lifestyle with proper medication and doctors care!

Sorry about the ranting.
 
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