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Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for thirty-two years and I have nothing to
show for it. These last two months have been hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and
nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep
after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore,
you don't touch me or anything.

Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is,
I'm gone. P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Florida together! Have a great life!

Sincerely, Your Ex-Wife.

Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for thirty-two years, although a good woman
is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to
drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice
when you cut off all of your hair last week. The first thing that came
to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say
anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had
on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed
that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of
this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I
discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my
job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were
gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you now have the
wonderful life you always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that
you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know
if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother, was born Carla. I hope
that's not a problem.

Sincerely, Rich As Hell and Free!


339 Posts
Reminds me of the one where the hubby comes running into the house yelling "Pack your bags I just hit the lottery for 100 million."

Wife assumes it's vacation time so she says, "Wonderful, where are we going?"

He replies, "I don't care just get out."
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