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This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills.

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: ! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
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This one and the next are our personal favorites!
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
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And last but not least!
Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
 

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Always fun to see those classics. Almost surprised you didn't have a "My cup holder won't open..." in there. I used to work Helpdesk for a couple different colleges, and actually got one of these first hand. It's amazing how much coffee can accumulate in a CD-ROM over 6 months. Ended up having to teach her how to even use a CD-ROM and she was so excited that she could bring music in to listen to at work now. Her husband thanked me the next day after class (he was one of my professors) because he said she won't listen to him when he tells her about computers. She was still struggling to make the transition from a data processor to Microsoft anything.
 

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Wow, I resemble some of those comments.
 

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Remember those days calling customer service back in the mid 90's. :)
 

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Now when yuo call customer service yuo ge to listen to two hours of Kenny G...............ZZZZZZZZZ!
 

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Back in the mid 80's I was customer support. Actually I sold them, but I did a lot of my own support too. I think the funniest one I ever had was a guy who called and said every time he hit enter his computer erased another file. This was back in the days of DOS, and I asked him what he saw on the screen. He told me there was a list of files and a 'C' prompt. I told him to hit enter, which he did and immediately exclaimed "There goes another one!!!" He had issued a directory command, and every time he hit entered the list scrolled a bit, and of course the file on top disappeared - which had him totally freaked out. I still laugh every time I think about it. That and one customer's name that I'll never forget - Shitikie Kalixite. Always sounded like something Superman didn't want to step in to me. :D
 

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I had the guy who wanted to print a blank piece of paper for a scratch paper. I reached in the paper feed and handed him a piece out of it. You should have seen the look on his face.
 

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...that's what God invented 10 year olds for, so they can help Old Farts keep their computers running.
 
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