I love these...
Chuck Norris doesn't own a microwave or an oven because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.