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  1. #21
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    I find that relatives that want to you to "loan" them money, will NEVER be in a financial position to repay you. Often thay rationalize that you can afford the loss better than they can so they're angry that you would even ask for it back.
    Moral of the story: You should consider every loan you give to a relative just money that was lost.
    Last edited by Bruntson; 11-02-2019 at 03:28 PM.

  2. #22
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    I have often thought that the only reason I have any connection with some family members is because I'm related to them. I have never been close to most of them outside of my immediate family members (only 1 sister and myself left now). I have cousins that I have not seen in over 40 years even though I saw them a lot when we were growing up. My parents were really close with all the aunts and uncles and we would visit or be visited every week with some of them and their children. But as that generation began to die-off, I never really kept in touch with the cousins very much. I had a few I would see maybe once or twice a year but others that I had absolutely nothing in common with other than blood-relationships, I never kept in-touch.

    Many of my cousins I would probably not even recognize if I ran into them in a store or on the street as I have not seen them since I was a teen. I have two male cousins (brothers) who I have only seen maybe 4 times in my entire life and that was when they were out of prison for awhile before they messed up again and got sent back to prison.

    My litmus test for family relationships is "If we were not related, would we be friends?" If not, I don't hang around much with those relatives. Having moved over 700 miles away from the majority of my cousins makes things easier. Where I live now in South Carolina is a lot closer to my remaining sister and even she is about 3 hours away.

    The funny thing is that my sisters and I really did have the 'Father Knows Best/Andy Griffith Show' life growing up. I was really naive and quite shocked to learn that some of my grade school friends had abusive or alcoholic parents as I just assumed everyone had the family life I had. I never even saw my parents get into any arguments until near the end of their lives when I think the stress of both of them dying at nearly the same time started to wear on them. I had no idea how blessed I was until I saw that others had horrible parents and home lives.
    Last edited by slong115; 11-02-2019 at 06:33 PM.
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    Scott USMC 1969-1973/BTPD 1975-1979

  3. #23
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    Once — Shame on you — Twice. — Shame on me..

    Bob



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  5. #24
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    I won't even loan money to my wife.
    But then again she won't give me any so I can have some of my own to loan to her.
    I find that to be patently unfair..............
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  6. #25
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    Wow, where to begin?

    If the amount is just a few hundred dollars, count it as a cheap education as to her character and move on. If it is a few thousand and you really need it (medical bills, avoid bankruptcy, etc.) you can always go after her in small claims court, but you've got to answer some questions first. Are you prepared to be held in worse contempt by your family than you already are? Can you PROVE to a judge in 60 seconds or less that she owes you the money? If you do win a case, does she have the money to pay you back?

    Forgiveness is a must. He who does not forgive is destined to relive the frustration over and over. The fact that she wronged you is her problem, not yours. When I say forgive, I mean really forgive. While you may not forget, you must never bring it up again to her or anyone else. Once you forgive it is no longer a bargaining chip.
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  7. #26
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    I remember his post. However, I've done nothing that requires me to make amends. They have all shut me out. They even go through extremes to make sure if there is communication, it is one sided. I get letters once in awhile from some of them that have no return address. One went as far as using a letter writing service.

    The only thing I can do is just block them out. My 76 year old mother has an excuse. She is literally crazy and not right in the head. I feel sorry for Clearwater Florida. She's paranoid schizophrenic and a borderline sociopath, and thinks I'm out to get her. Her family thinks I'm at fault for it. She's the same way with my dad and step father. She's treated us pretty badly over the years. I also cannot counter their social media post.

    The best I can do is ignore them. I found out there were a couple more funerals I'd missed a few months ago, just this morning. A distant cousin told me this morning about it. I ran into her and her husband doing my tour of gun shops today. She's not well liked either, and recently found out from her mother.

    Maloy



    Quote Originally Posted by NotSo View Post
    I'm guessing that at some time or other, we all have had family drama. Some worse (although I can hardly see how), some lesser so.

    Many of us on the forum have never, and likely will never, meet in person but we get to know each other through our posts. Shortly after I joined the forum I found one dedicated to an individual. Harry Garner was, IMO, the forum philosopher. You read some of his posts and reflect on what they mean to you. Harry's Corner continues to be listed and you can still read his musings.

    One of his postings that has stayed with me came about nine months before his passing. It really resonated with me because it spoke directly to one of my core beliefs. Family. No matter how badly they may treat you, they still are your family. It probably will be among the hardest things you will do in your life to forgive them for the harm they have done to you. But you should make a valiant attempt to do it. But you don't have to stand in range while people are throwing rocks at you, either.

    Here's Harry's post. I hope it helps.

    https://www.taurusarmed.net/forums/h...-yet-time.html

  8. #27
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    I've a dated signed IOU and they all hold me in contempt now, and wish me dead, also a few hundred dollars doesn't bother me.

    Quote Originally Posted by DeltaBravoKS View Post
    Wow, where to begin?

    If the amount is just a few hundred dollars, count it as a cheap education as to her character and move on. If it is a few thousand and you really need it (medical bills, avoid bankruptcy, etc.) you can always go after her in small claims court, but you've got to answer some questions first. Are you prepared to be held in worse contempt by your family than you already are? Can you PROVE to a judge in 60 seconds or less that she owes you the money? If you do win a case, does she have the money to pay you back?

    Forgiveness is a must. He who does not forgive is destined to relive the frustration over and over. The fact that she wronged you is her problem, not yours. When I say forgive, I mean really forgive. While you may not forget, you must never bring it up again to her or anyone else. Once you forgive it is no longer a bargaining chip.

  9. #28
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    It looks to me like the issues run deeper than a family loan. My .02 is forgive the sister, forget the money and do the things that make your life the best you can make it for yourself.

  10. #29
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    maloy,

    I won't be presumptuous enough to tell you how to handle your particular situation.
    Whatever you do I wish you the best of luck.

    What I will say is that I had what was probably a similar problem.
    Relatives from both sides of the family were tearing our family apart.
    There was no solution and it was getting worse.
    We had some unstable and selfish people afoot.
    One day, for whatever reason, I looked at my wife and said, "OK, I'm done".
    I know in here I may talk a bit but in person I am very quiet and reserved which didn't help.
    I changed phone numbers, email address and mailing addresses (we had a P.O. Box), notifying only business' and doctors etc. that needed to get a hold of us.
    The immediate silence and peace and quiet was amazing.
    It was something I did that I will never regret.
    The next year we moved away so that put up another safety barrier between us.
    I have no idea if any of them are still alive. I don't care.
    An evil person is an evil person, relative or not. I owed them nothing.

    Friends are relatives that you choose.
    Relatives can be your worst nightmare.
    I owed them nothing and in the end that was what they received.
    Last edited by Rickenbacher39; 11-02-2019 at 05:08 PM.
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    Make sure you spend as much time as possible
    on the internet arguing with strangers about politics.






  11. #30
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    Respect is earned not given.
    You can't pick your family.
    Don't lend money to anyone and expect it back.
    Give it to help them and if they pay you back be happy.
    If they can't pay you back be happy you were there for them in a time of need.

    I have a great and large extended family. As long as you are doing your best and not abusing yourself or others you will not go without food or a roof.
    We have a few drunks and drug abusers. Hate the sin not the sinner. They might "Might" get a bath and a meal if they come knocking but then its a ride to the homeless shelter or rehab. Get clean and you will get a hand up.
    We count our blessings and are thankful for our up bring.
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