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Thread: I would like advice from grand parents please

  1. #11
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    As a grandparent of two awesome grandsons, the only advice I can give to you is.....


    ......never EVER take them to Chuck-E-Cheese.
    If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits......PUTIN ON A RITZ!!!

  2. #12
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    I'm not a grandparent, but we went through a similar situation with two sets of parents, with two kids.

    You need to explain to them that you want to raise your own child and its important to you to spend time with them at this age.
    Set up times they can see the child, not every weekend. Maybe a couple days a week and every other weekend. Plan days you can all get together, then take your child home.

    It's not going to be easy, they will probably get mad, but that's the way it has to be.
    Don't put the child in the middle, he did nothing wrong and like most kids, he will probably want to go to his grandparents house... gets spoiled and no rules.

    Good luck to you.
    Desperado likes this.

  3. #13
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    I'm going on 70 and my wife just turned 70. We have 3 kids (2 boys & 1 girl) and grandchildren (6 boys & 1 girl) so I have experience. Two of my children have moved far enough away that it is a 2 hours and 6 hour drive to visit. I love my kids and grandchildren and there is nothing I would not do for any of them.

    You need to remember that your parents have established a bond with your son and it not for you to break or try to get between them. Be very grateful you have grandparents they care and are willing to step up when you need them. I understand your feeling that you are competing with your parents for the affections of your son but it should not be that way. I never try to overrule anything my kids teach the grandkids and I stay out of it when they punish them. If I disagree I will wait until I can talk to them alone and voice my opinion but whatever the outcome they are the ultimate decision makers. I make suggestions and give my opinion and for the most part my kids listen but it is still up to them. Your situation has changed and you don't need you parents as much but your parents still need you and their grandson. Just remember situations can change again and you can consider yourself blessed you have parents willing to help.

    Do you have siblings or are you an only child? Once other grandchildren arrive on the scene you situation should get better. Nothing will create a distraction for grandparents like a newborn baby. We wore out a Suburban in three years driving from our home to Charleston SC to help care for my daughters child when he was born. She did not have the faith in the inlaws that she has in us so we were there for her. There can come a time you need them and I'm sure they would be willing to step up so don't burn bridges that can't be rebuilt.
    jdavis likes this.
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  5. #14
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    You are right to want to discuss this with your parents. However, you must leave any hostility behind as you approach discussions with your parents. Consider that out of necessity, you allowed a strong bond to develop between your child and your parents.
    The grandparents want to hold on to that bond in spite of the changing environment. You need to be civil and honest in explaining to them your feelings.
    Try this: “Mom and Dad, we have great appreciation and respect for the manner in which you stepped up to help us with (boy’s name). However, as you must realize, our situation has changed and we now feel that as his father and mother, we should take the dominate role in parenting. We also understand that you and our son have a strong bond and we have no intention of destroying it. You should always remain an important part of (son’s name) life as grandparents. We know that it wil be difficult for you as it is for him to back away enough to allow us to regain our role as parents but, the time has come to do so. Perhaps we can do this slowly to reduce the impact on all of us. I hope that you both will understand and respect our decision in this manner.”
    As a previous poster said: “Don’t burn your bridges”. Your parents are family and there may come another time that you will need their help. Remember that your child has also bonded with his grandparents as they have him. Use caution when family feelings are concerned to avoid regrets.
    DeltaBravoKS likes this.

  6. #15
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    Family be Family, it's part of growing up. Mutual respect and communications are vital in life and even more so with your love ones. However in the end it's all about:


  7. #16
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    My maternal grandfather died when I was 5 and fraternal grandfather at 10. Both lived in PA and we were in Alabama. I have very few recollections of either of them because we only saw them for a few days once each year. If they're not manipulating your son, let them have as much time together as you can. That advise and 2-cents used to get you a piece of bubblegum.

  8. #17
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    As a grandude myself I stay out of how they raise my grandkids.

    I'd flat out ask them if they have a problem with what you are doing. If they say yes it will force a discussion. If they say no then, well, there's no good reason for what they are doing.

    If they say "yes", keep your mouth shut and listen. Listen until they stop talking. If you disagree, don't argue. Thank them for the input then tell them you'll be doing it your own way. You've got "hand". You don't have to convince them of anything. If you want them to treat you like a grown man, act like one (not that you haven't been). They are your children, but you should at least respect their opinion even if you disagree.

    Ultimately the decision is yours. Put your foot down.
    Definition of clip

    1: any of various devices that grip, clasp, or hook
    2: a device to hold cartridges for charging the magazines of some rifles; also : a magazine from which ammunition is fed into the chamber of a firearm.

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  9. #18
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    I'm a parent, not a grandparent however I think you need to stand your ground and do what you think is right. He is your kid not theirs, period, end of sentence, no debate.
    "Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem" (I prefer dangerous freedom to peaceful slavery) Thomas Jefferson in a letter to James Madison

    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Benjamin Franklin

    "If everyone is thinking alike then someone isn't thinking!" General Patton

    "If we waited for Washington to tell us when to plant, we should soon want bread." Thomas Jefferson


  10. #19
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    Straight forward and honest communications is important. You can't fix this overnight.

 

 
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