Doing psychic jokes
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Thread: Doing psychic jokes

  1. #1
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    Doing psychic jokes

    Bill is putting his young daughter to bed one night and as he walks out the bedroom door he hears her saying her prayers. She says, "God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma, rest in peace grandpa."
    Bill rushes back into her bedroom and asks her, "Why did you say the last part?"
    His daughter replies, "Because I needed to."
    The next day, grandpa dies of a heart attack.
    Bill is worried about his daughter but thinks, "It must just be a sad coincidence."
    That night he tucks his daughter into bed again and once again he hears her saying her prayers.
    She says, "God bless mommy and daddy, rest in peace grandma."
    Bill is now really worried and thinking to himself, "Can my daughter really see into the future?"
    The next day, grandma dies and now Bill is convinced his daughter can predict the future.
    For the rest of the week nothing happens, but on the Sunday night as Bill leaves his daughter's bedroom he waits outside and listens for any more prayers.
    Sure enough, he hears her say, "God bless you mommy, rest in peace daddy."
    Now Bill is really panicking and thinking, '"Oh God, I'm going to die tomorrow!"
    The following day Bill is in a complete mess all day in work; a real nervous wreck. He constantly checks the clock, looks around the room and is on edge all the time expecting to die at any moment. He is so nervous that he doesn't leave the office until it's past midnight. Once it turns midnight he says to himself with relief, "How is this possible? I should be dead!" He goes home and walks into the house to find his wife sitting on the sofa with a scared look on her face.
    She asks him, "Where have you been? What took you so long?"
    Bill replies, "Listen honey, today I haven't had the best of days" and he is just about to tell her what has happened when she starts crying and bursts out,





    "I saw the mailman die yesterday!"
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    O M-- V-- PS+++ PE++ Y++ PGP++ t 5++ X- R+ tv+ b++++ DI++++ D+
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    ∀xx ∃xy | xx∇xy > 0

  2. #2
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    Yeah, yeah, yeah. . . . .

    Last Saturday afternoon, Mad Kaw walked right into a psychic's shop and asked for a reading.

    She said, "Didn't you read the sigh? It says by appoinntment only."

    His reply was simply, "You're a psychic? Didn't you know I was coming?"
    Desperado and MadKaw like this.
    You must be careful what you pretend to be, because in the end, you are what you pretend to be.
    ....................Kurt Vonnegut, in "Mother Night"

    All governments suffer a recurring problem: Power attracts pathological personalities. It is not that power corrupts but that it is magnetic to the corruptible. Such people have a tendency to become drunk on violence, a condition to which they are quickly addicted. . . . . . . . . . . . .. — Frank Herbert, Chapterhouse: Dune

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    You see, I am actually a very skilled mind reader.


    I KNOW what you qare thinking . . . . . .


    . . . .. .


    you don't beleive me.
    MadKaw likes this.
    You must be careful what you pretend to be, because in the end, you are what you pretend to be.
    ....................Kurt Vonnegut, in "Mother Night"

    All governments suffer a recurring problem: Power attracts pathological personalities. It is not that power corrupts but that it is magnetic to the corruptible. Such people have a tendency to become drunk on violence, a condition to which they are quickly addicted. . . . . . . . . . . . .. — Frank Herbert, Chapterhouse: Dune

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    If they're not billionaires, they're not psychic.
    Desperado, MadKaw and Flash60601 like this.
    Ammo will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no ammo.


  6. #5
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    Yeah. You never, ever see the headline that says:

    LOCAL MEDIUM WINS STATE LOTTERY FOR FIFTY MIL
    You must be careful what you pretend to be, because in the end, you are what you pretend to be.
    ....................Kurt Vonnegut, in "Mother Night"

    All governments suffer a recurring problem: Power attracts pathological personalities. It is not that power corrupts but that it is magnetic to the corruptible. Such people have a tendency to become drunk on violence, a condition to which they are quickly addicted. . . . . . . . . . . . .. — Frank Herbert, Chapterhouse: Dune

  7. #6
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    His bad day was just starting.

  8. #7
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    There's a reason why psychics don't win the lotteries. If they did, they would stop psychicing after that. Think about it. "Oh, I just won the megapick powerball for 300 million dollars and now some schmoe wants to pay me 20 bucks to tell him bad news? Yea, That ain't happening. I'm buying an island instead."
    PT1911 - 45ACP, Pietta 1873 SAA - 45LC, PT709SS slim, Heritage RR 6.5" 22LR/Mag dual cylinders
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    What do you call a midget, psychic, escaped from prison? A small medium at large!
    "The strongest tactical move is always the one in which you reap the highest gain, at the lowest cost."

 

 

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