stolen humor
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Thread: stolen humor

  1. #1
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    Sequim, Wa.
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    stolen humor

    An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then 4 yr. Old
    daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope
    on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with
    it. 'Be still, my heart,' thought my friend, 'my daughter wants to
    follow in my footsteps!' Then the child spoke into the instrument:
    "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
    A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's
    daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
    Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't
    you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but
    mother says I'm not."
    When I was a child I thought nap time was a punishment.
    Now, as a grownup, it just feels like a small vacation!

    The biggest lie I tell myself is...
    "I don't need to write that down, because I'll remember it".

    I don't have gray hair.
    I have "wisdom highlights".
    You can see that I'm very wise.
    At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a
    beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he
    leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it
    your Easter dress?" The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's
    clip-on mike, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b*tch to iron."
    After the eighty three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age,
    but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said.

    She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud: "Bob, do we still have
    intercourse?" And there was a hush you could hear a pin drop.

    Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told you a hundred times....What we have is… Blue Cross!"
    The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: “I have some good news and, I have some bad news…”

    The tycoon replies: “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first?"

    The lawyer says: “Well your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures this week that she figures are worth a minimum of $20 to $30 million.”

    The tycoon replies enthusiastically: “Well done…my wife is so smart! You’ve just made my day, now what’s the bad news?”

    The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you with your secretary."

  2. #2
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    “…democratic socialism, the great utopia of the last few generations, is not only unachievable but that to strive for it produces something utterly different – the very destruction of freedom itself. As has been aptly said: ‘What has always made the state a hell on earth has been precisely that man has tried to make it his heaven.'” F.A. Hayek

  3. #3
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    Hah!............"Yes, and my Mom says it's a b*tch to iron..."

    I can just see that!
    CWB likes this.
    a.k.a. Higgy Baby

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  5. #4
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    "I thought I was, but my Mother says I'm not."

    Way too good - - - I'm going to tell the folks at the senior center and see if anyne blushes.
    You must be careful what you pretend to be, because in the end, you are what you pretend to be.
    ....................Kurt Vonnegut, in "Mother Night"

    All governments suffer a recurring problem: Power attracts pathological personalities. It is not that power corrupts but that it is magnetic to the corruptible. Such people have a tendency to become drunk on violence, a condition to which they are quickly addicted. . . . . . . . . . . . .. — Frank Herbert, Chapterhouse: Dune



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