Interesting discussion, maloy. You've got some things very right, and I'd say you aren't 100% right either. I'm not claiming to know for sure, but here are my thoughts.
Anyone who says their experience shooting certain calibers better proves that you are wrong doesn't sound very convincing to me. Maybe they've never found a 9mm that fits their hand well, or maybe they have tried lots of big, heavy, recoil absorbing .4x guns, but only ultralightweight, hard kicking 9mm guns. But that also doesn't prove they "know nothing about physics."
Turning the coin, was the person shooting 10mm that you beat as experienced as you at competition in general? Did they have as much time with their gun as you do with yours?
And competition definitely tells us something about performance under pressure, and follow up shot speed, but it tells you nothing at all about terminal performance. Physics has a word or two to say about that as well. In fact, the demands of competition push shooters toward the lightest shooting round they can use. I bet you'd do even better with a .22. That doesn't mean you should carry one for self defense.
I won't question your statement that performance in a shooting sport is 90% mental. But as for self defense, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. From what I've read written by experienced, knowledgeable people I trust, many attacks are stopped by the attacker realizing they have been shot, and giving up right then and there, just because they've been shot. It could be a shot in the arm with a .32, it doesn't matter.
It's the other perps where caliber matters. And for those types, history has given us some proven rounds. .45 Colt, .45 ACP, maybe .44 Special, 158 grain .38 Special, and .357 Magnum. 9mm has never made it onto that list. I've seen a lot of ballistic gel, but that's it. I carry 9mm at times, but it's a compromise. I'll never, ever claim that it's as good as .40, .44 or .45. If you have faith in your choices for good reason, you'll do well. Having faith in .32 FMJ does nothing to increase the effectiveness of the round.
But again, I don't claim to have gospel from the mountain. This is just the result of second hand study, and my own knowledge of physics and human anatomy.