I have tried to be very laid back and just listen to the discussion because I am sincerely trying to figure out something that I find difficult.
There is one theme, however, that I feel I must comment on because some of you are flat wrong. If you think you can predict how an abused person will react or what they would say you are wrong. You are basing your idea on how you think you would react.
I work with a local shelter which, in addition to running a physical building where people suffering abuse can be housed, also puts people into situations where they can truly hide; where nobody knows where they are. The only records are doubly encrypted and the keys is kept offsite in separate locations.(That's my contribution.) That is the level of care that has to sometimes be taken to keep an abuser and their victim apart. There have been a couple of cases locally where someone who thought they could hide without skilled help were found and tortured.
But the reason you are wrong is that long term abuse creates a mental state very similar to borderline personality disorder. (It may be BPD but I am not competent to make that judgement.) If you have ever lived with an individual with BPD you would realize that a sane version of logic stands no chance of predicting the behavior of someone with BPD. Would a victim say something likely to set off their abuser? I have no idea, and neither do you. It depends on the victim; the abuser; the relationship; and probably the phase of the moon.
Those of you who have never dealt with abuse from either side … consider yourself very very lucky. It is not always as easy to get yourself out of as a sane person would think.
Enough of a rant. I do actually appreciate those of you on either side of this discussion. Any time you see only one side, you have no doubt that you are right. And I have been deeply troubled by this situation. I believe in individual rights. I believe in the [competent] individual's right to determine their own destiny. I am also deeply committed to protecting those who are unable to protect themselves. And I recognize the difficulty of determining the differences. That is why this is difficult.
Anyway, let me take this remarkably appropriate opportunity to wish all of you a peaceful and safe Chanukah and Christmas. Please pray for those both here and abroad whose holidays will be neither peaceful nor safe.