A few years back my (now ex) gf tried a M85UL. The recoil was a bit much for her. I have issues with the factory grips but it still wasn't pleasant for me.
I'd recommend a steel framed gun to start with but a M85/M850/M851 is a good choice. Actually, its what I picked up for my first snubbie. I've since upgraded to a M650 (which is in my pocket as I type this) but I still have that M85 in the safe. Last summer I got a female friend started shooting and she loves the thing (my M85). FYI, I use medium velocity loads in my M650 not full power.
However, the amount of weight one is willing to deal with for a pocket gun varies. I don't have any issues with the 24+ oz weight in a pants (or jacket) pocket. Others want something lighter.