Oldie but a goodie.
My wife insisted that I, her recently retired deputy sheriff husband, accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, the wife is like most women; she loved to browse.
Yesterday she received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Texas Deputy,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Texas are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
#1 June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
#2 July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
#3 July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
#4 July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
#5 August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
#6 August 14:
Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
#7 August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
#8 August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
#9 September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
#10 September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
#11 October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
#12 October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sized funnels.
#13 October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
#14 October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
#15 October 21:
Placed fake severed hand from Halloween aisle under bag of frozen food in grocery department
And last, but not least.
#16 October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Now, I am no longer welcome in Walmart.
I guess that I will have to buy my cheap Federal Champion 9mm and .45, or my WWB somewhere else. Isn't it great that Academy price matches?
Oldie but a goodie.
Always remember to Reduce, Reuse and Recycle your targets
Reduce them to shreds
Reuse shoot them more than once
Recycle whatever is left over
Ignorance is the lack of knowledge. Stupid is the refusal to do anything about it.
Still love that joke!
Deserve Victory! - Winston Churchill
PT140 SS .40S&W
Arisaka M38 - 6.5 x 50SR ~1940
Marlin 336 - .35 Rem 1980
You forgot: October 22, walked up and down the aisles, shouting "is there anything here that wasn't made in China?"
US Govt Service: 11 1/2 years Active Army, 12 years Army Reserve, 5 years HQ DHS
"...you never need a gun until you need it badly" - from WEB Griffin's The Honor of Spies, and Victory and Honor.
Joke? Funny I think I believe it!
They have ALL been tried at various WM's. Wife works there!
Taking this country back....one job at a time!
In memory of BUTT. Thanks for, your wisdom, your humor and your willingness to pass it on. You ARE missed.
YES, I am a "bean people" !
#16! Ha ha
Too many years on the force, eh?
(Just kiddin', TexasDeputy ~~ thanks for the multitude of laughs your post has provided me.)
Millennium G2 PT111
US Army / Army Reserve / Mississippi State Guard