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Thread: I was kicked out of WalMart

  1. #1
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    Nov 2010
    13171 times

    I was kicked out of WalMart

    My wife insisted that I, her recently retired deputy sheriff husband, accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

    Equally unfortunately, the wife is like most women; she loved to browse.

    Yesterday she received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

    Dear Mrs. Texas Deputy,

    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Texas are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    #1 June 15:

    Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

    #2 July 2:

    Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    #3 July 7:

    Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    #4 July 19:

    Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

    #5 August 4:

    Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

    #6 August 14:

    Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

    #7 August 15:

    Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

    #8 August 23:

    When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

    #9 September 4:

    Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    #10 September 10:

    While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    #11 October 3:

    Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

    #12 October 6:

    In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sized funnels.

    #13 October 18:

    Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

    #14 October 21:

    When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

    #15 October 21:

    Placed fake severed hand from Halloween aisle under bag of frozen food in grocery department

    And last, but not least.

    #16 October 23:

    Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"


    Now, I am no longer welcome in Walmart.

    I guess that I will have to buy my cheap Federal Champion 9mm and .45, or my WWB somewhere else. Isn't it great that Academy price matches?


  2. #2

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    Jun 2011
    13742 times
    Oldie but a goodie.
    Always remember to Reduce, Reuse and Recycle your targets
    Reduce them to shreds
    Reuse shoot them more than once
    Recycle whatever is left over

    Ignorance is the lack of knowledge. Stupid is the refusal to do anything about it.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Jul 2012
    Ocklawaha, Florida
    155 times
    Still love that joke!
    Deserve Victory! - Winston Churchill
    PT140 SS .40S&W
    Arisaka M38 - 6.5 x 50SR ~1940
    Marlin 336 - .35 Rem 1980

  4. #4
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    Sumter County, Florida
    1259 times
    You forgot: October 22, walked up and down the aisles, shouting "is there anything here that wasn't made in China?"
    US Govt Service: 11 1/2 years Active Army, 12 years Army Reserve, 5 years HQ DHS

    " never need a gun until you need it badly" - from WEB Griffin's The Honor of Spies, and Victory and Honor.

  5. #5
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    Oct 2011
    Spacecoast, Fl.
    9218 times
    Joke? Funny I think I believe it!

  6. #6

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    Aug 2009
    Poinciana, Fl.
    19925 times
    They have ALL been tried at various WM's. Wife works there!
    Taking this country job at a time!

    In memory of BUTT. Thanks for, your wisdom, your humor and your willingness to pass it on. You ARE missed.

    YES, I am a "bean people" !

  7. #7
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    Hendertucky Nv.
    12451 times
    #16! Ha ha
    Evil Is Powerless If The Good Are Unafraid. Ronald Reagan
    The Government Is Not The Solution To The Problem, The Government Is The Problem. Ronald Reagan
    Impeach king barack hussein obama! God Bless Our Troops, Especially Our Snipers.
    I Will Not Comply ! Go Pound Sand ! I'd Rather be Judged by 12 than Carried by 6.
    Line #5
    Line #6

  8. #8
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    United States - Mississippi
    21553 times
    Too many years on the force, eh?

    (Just kiddin', TexasDeputy ~~ thanks for the multitude of laughs your post has provided me.)

    In Memory of Erv Bobo, Supporting Moderator

    September 23, 2014



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