Baptizing the Bear
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard.
A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment.
They would all go up to the Smokies, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear.
And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.
So, I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb.
The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next.
He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip.
In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed,
'WELL brothers, you KNOW that WE don't sprinkle!
I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD!
But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrassle.
We wrassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.
So right quick-like, I DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.
And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.'
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed.
He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him.
He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, 'Looking back on it,
circumcision may not have been the best way to start.'
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Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation for 'tis better to be alone than in bad Company.
109th Rule of Civility
Let your Recreations be Manful not Sinful.
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Ouch, ouch and double ouch.
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